You can’t always get what you want, but if you try some time, well you might find just what you need…
And what I needed was a wake up call.
I reentered the dating scene again fairly recently – after a three year self imposed hiatus, and in those three years while finding myself and figuring out what it meant to be a single, independent person – someone who didn’t need anyone else to define or validate herself, I had completely forgotten how to date. I had forgotten about all the terribly, incredibly high highs and low lows. The rules of dating hadn’t necessarily changed. It was me who had changed (to a certain degree).
I became more of a hopeful, optimistic person, who was starting to embrace this new “romantic” side. I wanted to be open to whatever came next, to learn to take chances, and I don’t know… believe that people entered your life for a particular reason. Frank was my wake up call. In six weeks, he had managed to make me realize several things:
1) guys could be sweet and gentlemanly!;
2) I should expect sweet and gentlemanly actions. I had given guys too much of a pass in the past. Chivalry shouldn’t be and isn’t dead;
3) in some way, I really hadn’t changed all that much when it came to dating. Overthinking and second guessing my and his actions and words. Crushing a little too hard when things are on the upswing. I kind of drove myself a little crazy, and in turn, I’m pretty sure I drove my closest friends nuts too with all my rhetorical regurgitation;
4) dating should be FUN and is a discovery phase! Aside from all the stupid overthinking, I had a lot of fun and I laughed a lot;
5) the chemistry, the fun, and the sweetness are sometimes just fronts to hit it and quit it. I say this only because when he wasn’t and realized that he was never getting it (I’ve been on this ‘turning a new leaf’ kick, which I made sure he knew from Date number 3 and Date number 5), Frank administered number 6; and
6) people still use the disappearing act.
Maybe I’m wrong about number 5. I’m sure he has his reason(s). I’m just through with thinking about it because you know, it wasn’t me – I didn’t lead him to believe that I was someone I wasn’t during our time together, or that I wanted anything other than what I advertised or said. This was on him, and he entered my life so that I could (re)learn these six things.
This also gave me a sort of epiphany after some soul searching. There was someone who I had gotten to know years ago, and we had a good time. It wasn’t too different from my experience with Frank, even though it didn’t last six weeks with five dates, and just like Frank, I had pulled the disappearing act. I’m pretty sure I was acting on a selfish impulse when I called him up yesterday to apologize after years of not saying a single thing, but when you realize you’ve done something that immature (because let’s be real, not being honest with your intentions/ not manning up to tell someone that you’re not that interested isn’t the most mature action), you want to make amends. At least I did and do. I took a chance, and surprisingly, we had a really great catch up conversation that lasted almost two hours. It felt nice to own up to something.
So anyway, because I need a sense of closure without the necessity of losing face by contacting Frank again, and in the words of this show that I’ve been binging on in attempts to temporarily make myself numb and drown out all negative thoughts about my self worth (because to be honest, even though I know I’m kind of awesome on a good day, I can still wallow for a little bit over the fact that I did just technically get “dumped” in the most cowardly way):
Take care, Frank. Nice to know you.
Obviously his name was changed to protect his delicate disposition.