Happily Ever After…?

by Sue

Mama Liu has been in the Big Apple with me for the past couple of days, and yesterday she saw her first subway rat after dinner at The Capital Grille. Her eyes got real wide, and she suddenly remembers this story from back in her secretarial/accounting days in Hong Kong. She paints this really comedic picture of how one of her colleagues trapped a mouse that had somehow scurried up one of her bellbottom pant legs. Apparently, those pant legs were really wide, and she hadn’t felt a thing until it was all the way near her hooha. (What in the world?!) She had squealed and screamed, yet tried to remain quiet as to not cause too much a ruckus in the office, but by the time she reached the restroom, the mouse had fainted from her superhuman grip and just fell out…

ANYWAY. this same woman was pining after some (hua hua gong zi) “playboy” who was trying to court my mother, and my mom, so cute and adorable, got all riled up in the subway station and exclaimed as she recalled that time, “Ugh, I would never in my life had gone out with him!~ Just thinking about the way he looked, I hate him!~ Thinking he’s all that and a bag of chips~” (Of course, she didn’t use a lot of this slang, nor did she say any of this in English, but that’s the gist of what she said.) Then she says,

“But the way I feel when I look at your father… There is an indescribable feeling I have in my heart/chest whenever I look at him…It flutters.”

To which I ask, “Even now?”

She vehemently nods, “Even now.”

“I wish I can find that for me one day.”

“You will. Everyone does.”

In the past couple of months, dating, my future for dating, and the possibility of marriage have been on my mind. Those who know me best would find the latter a bit of a surprise, as I have always been one to shun the idea of marriage, for me that is. I happily supported my friends’ decisions to get hitched – within certain time frames, no less. Independent woman all the way, am I right?  This five year old girl gets my drift…  Also, my current thinking about marriage in no way means I’m planning my wedding right now, nor am I really searching for my husband. I don’t even see myself walking down the aisle for a good number of years.

So with all these thoughts, my mom making such a candid confession about the way she feels about my dad is kind of like icing on the cake, so to speak. My parents will have been married for thirty years next March on the 11th. They’ve had ups, and they’ve certainly had some downs. I certainly wouldn’t say they are the most perfect couple in the world, but you know, it works. It works because they make it work, and it’s so rare nowadays to see people stay together – to make it work. I know there are some unforgivable sins that cannot be undone, cannot be forgotten, and will warrant a separation or divorce, but in general… I’ve learned so much about compromise and tolerance and patience within a marriage from my parents’.

As my folks grow older, I see their love grow too, and it’s so weird and wonderful and refreshing. They still have fun, and they still laugh together and at one another. To be honest, they’ve done that a lot more in recent years. It gives me a sense of hope, one that I refused to see and accept a long time ago because I feared that… I won’t have the same. Because we live in a generation where those virtues and values people had for marriage a while back are now luxuries… dying breeds. But I don’t know, maybe my parents’ history will repeat itself when I’m ready to create my own “love story.” Maybe I’ll let the traditionalist, romanticist sides of me win this time and I’ll continue to hold out for this hope. Apparently, my parents were a bad match because their astrological charts said they would be incompatible, but here they are, almost thirty years later and going just as strong.

Maybe I’ll find the guy who loves me and makes my heart flutter when I just look at him. Everyone does, right?

Now this is where I plug some links to articles and videos I’ve been reading and watching:

http://karenattiah.com/2010/07/28/a-womans-self-worth/

http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/

http://elitedaily.com/dating/women-marrying/

http://nymag.com/thecut/2013/07/texting-exes-social-media-generation.html

http://johnsu.deviantart.com/art/How-To-Talk-To-Women-416921669

http://groupthink.jezebel.com/asian-women-arent-your-oriental-submissive-china-dol-1464199143

http://www.buzzfeed.com/annals/online-datings-icky-yellow-fever-fetishists

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWynJkN5HbQ

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